美本申请文书写作及赏析
日期：2019-11-27 / 人气： / 来源：未知
申请美国大学时，众所周知除了硬件条件以外，课外活动、文书都特别重要。每年录取，都会有很多凭借一封文书就能脱颖而出的故事。
那怎样的文书才是好的文书呢？文书怎样写才会从众多文书里脱引而出呢？小E将结合今年《纽约时报》挑选并刊登的2篇关美国大学的优秀申请文书，为同学们做一下深入浅出的分析和建议。
那怎样的文书才是好的文书呢？文书怎样写才会从众多文书里脱引而出呢？小E将结合今年《纽约时报》挑选并刊登的2篇关美国大学的优秀申请文书，为同学们做一下深入浅出的分析和建议。
1
The professors’ home was a telescope to how the other (more affluent) half lived
《不属于我的家，庇护了我的梦想》
《不属于我的家，庇护了我的梦想》
作者：Jonathan Ababiy
高中：Blaine High School
目标院校: The University of Minnesota
高中：Blaine High School
目标院校: The University of Minnesota
原文（中英对照）
At age 6, I remember the light filled openness of the house, how the whir of my mother’s vacuum floated from room to room. At 9, I remember how I used to lounge on the couch and watch Disney cartoons on the sideways refrigerator of a TV implanted in a small cave in the wall. At 12, I remember family photographs of the Spanish countryside hanging in every room. At 14, I remember vacuuming each foot of carpet in the massive house and folding pastel shirts fresh out of the dryer.
我还记得 6 岁那年，光线填满宽敞的房间，我母亲手中吸尘器的嗡嗡声从一个房间飘到另一个房间。我还记得 9 岁那年，我常常懒洋洋地躺在长沙发上，看迪士尼卡通片，电视机有过道内的冰柜那么大，放在墙上的一个山洞大小的内嵌空间里。我还记得 12 岁那年，每个房间都挂着在西班牙乡间拍的家人照片。我还记得 14 年那年，我在偌大的房子里一点点地给地毯除尘，折叠刚刚烘干的色彩柔和的衬衫。
I loved the house. I loved the way the windows soaked the house with light, a sort of bleach against any gloom. I loved how I could always find a book or magazine on any flat surface.
我喜欢那栋房子。我喜欢阳光透过窗户倾洒进来的样子，仿佛可以扫清所有愁云。我喜欢自己总是可以在任何一个平面上找到一本书或杂志。
At age 6, I remember the light filled openness of the house, how the whir of my mother’s vacuum floated from room to room. At 9, I remember how I used to lounge on the couch and watch Disney cartoons on the sideways refrigerator of a TV implanted in a small cave in the wall. At 12, I remember family photographs of the Spanish countryside hanging in every room. At 14, I remember vacuuming each foot of carpet in the massive house and folding pastel shirts fresh out of the dryer.
我还记得 6 岁那年，光线填满宽敞的房间，我母亲手中吸尘器的嗡嗡声从一个房间飘到另一个房间。我还记得 9 岁那年，我常常懒洋洋地躺在长沙发上，看迪士尼卡通片，电视机有过道内的冰柜那么大，放在墙上的一个山洞大小的内嵌空间里。我还记得 12 岁那年，每个房间都挂着在西班牙乡间拍的家人照片。我还记得 14 年那年，我在偌大的房子里一点点地给地毯除尘，折叠刚刚烘干的色彩柔和的衬衫。
I loved the house. I loved the way the windows soaked the house with light, a sort of bleach against any gloom. I loved how I could always find a book or magazine on any flat surface.
我喜欢那栋房子。我喜欢阳光透过窗户倾洒进来的样子，仿佛可以扫清所有愁云。我喜欢自己总是可以在任何一个平面上找到一本书或杂志。
But the vacuum my mother used wasn’t ours. We never paid for cable. The photographs weren’t of my family. The carpet I vacuumed I only saw once a week, and the pastel shirts I folded I never wore. The house wasn’t mine. My mother was only the cleaning lady, and I helped.
但我母亲使用的吸尘器不属于我们。我们从未付过有线电视费。照片拍的不是我的家人。我一周只能见到一次自己清理的地毯，我从未穿过自己折叠的色彩柔和的衬衫。那栋房子不是我们的。我母亲只是清洁工，而我是她的帮手。
My mother and father had come as refugees almost twenty years ago from the country of Moldova. My mother worked numerous odd jobs, but once I was born she decided she needed to do something different. She put an ad in the paper advertising house cleaning, and a couple, both professors, answered. They became her first client, and their house became the bedrock of our sustenance. Economic recessions came and went, but my mother returned every Monday, Friday and occasional Sunday.
大约 20 年前，我的父母以难民的身份从摩尔多瓦来到美国。我母亲做过许多种兼职工作，但我一出生，她就认定自己需要做点不一样的事情。她在报纸上登了一份提供房屋保洁服务的广告，一对同为教授的夫妇联系了她。他们成了她的第一个客户，他们的房子成了我们维持生计的基石。经济衰退来了又去，但我母亲每逢周一和周五都要回到那里，有时周日也过去。
She spends her days in teal latex gloves, guiding a blue Hoover vacuum over what seems like miles of carpet. All the mirrors she’s cleaned could probably stack up to be a minor Philip Johnson skyscraper. This isn’t new for her. The vacuums and the gloves might be, but the work isn’t. In Moldova, her family grew gherkins and tomatoes. She spent countless hours kneeling in the dirt, growing her vegetables with the care that professors advise their protégés, with kindness and proactivity. Today, the fruits of her labor have been replaced with the suction of her vacuum.
她整日戴着天青色的乳胶手套，操着蓝色的胡佛 ( Hoover ) 吸尘器，给仿佛有几英里长的地毯除尘。她擦过的所有镜子没准可以堆叠成那种由菲利普 · 约翰逊 ( Philip Johnson ) 打造的亮闪闪的摩天大楼。这对她来说并不新鲜。吸尘器和手套或许有些新鲜，但这份工作并非如此。在摩尔多瓦，她家里种有黄瓜和西红柿。她曾花无数个小时跪在泥土里，以教授指导学生的用心程度、以仁慈和积极主动的态度侍弄她的蔬菜。现在，她劳作的蔬果被吸尘器取而代之。
The professors’ home was a telescope to how the other (more affluent) half lived. They were rarely ever home, so I saw their remnants: the lightly crinkled New York Times sprawled on the kitchen table, the overturned, half-opened books in their overflowing personal library, the TV consistently left on the National Geographic channel. I took these remnants as a celebrity-endorsed path to prosperity. I began to check out books from the school library and started reading the news religiously.
透过那两位教授的房子，可以一窥 ( 更富裕的 ) 另一半人的生活。他们很少待在家，于是我便观察他们留下的痕迹：摊在厨房桌子上稍稍发皱的《纽约时报》，满当当的私人图书馆中翻到一半倒扣过去的书，总是停留在国家地理频道的电视。我把这些痕迹当成由名人代言的通往繁荣之路。我开始从学校的图书馆往外借书，并经常阅读新闻。
Their home was a sanctuary for my dreams. It was there I, as a glasses-wearing computer nerd, read about a mythical place called Silicon Valley in Bloomberg Businessweek magazines. It was there, as a son of immigrants, that I read about a young senator named Barack Obama, the child of an immigrant, aspiring to be the president of the United States. The life that I saw through their home showed me that an immigrant could succeed in America, too. Work could be done with>.
他们的家是为我的梦想提供庇护之处。在那里，我这个戴着眼镜的电脑迷从《彭博商业周刊》 ( Bloomberg Businessweek ) 上知道了一个名叫硅谷的神秘地方。在那里，我这个移民的儿子读到了一个名叫贝拉克 · 奥巴马 ( Barack Obama ) 的年轻参议员立志做美国总统的消息——他也是移民之子。我从他们家看到过的生活告诉我，在美国，移民也可以成功。工作可以用双手来完成，也可以用头脑来完成。它让我对一种社会资本有了深刻的概念，我知道在美国可以使用这种资本。两位教授让我看到了他们取得成功的要素，我这一生都在试图做出自己的反应。
Ultimately, the suction of the vacuum is what sustains my family. The squeal of her vacuum reminds me why I have the opportunity to drive my squealing car to school. I am where I am today because my mom put an enormous amount of labor into the formula of the American Dream. It’s her blue Hoover vacuums that hold up the framework of my life. Someday, I hope my diploma can hold up the framework of hers.
最终，吸尘器的吸力养活了我们一家。她手中吸尘器的嗡嗡声提醒着我，我为什么有机会开着叮当乱响的小汽车去上学。我之所以能成为今天的我，是因为我的妈妈往美国梦的公式中倾注了太多劳动。她用蓝色胡佛吸尘器为我的生活撑起了一片天。有朝一日，我希望能用自己的毕业证书为她撑起一片天。
点评
不知道各位同学会不会和小E一样，当一开始读这篇文章的时候，小E脑海中就闪现了一些疑问。起初作者用了一段文字形象地描述自己的家，读着读着当你好像意识到他是在叙述这是母亲为了忙于生计而打扫别人的屋子时，你就会觉得这种叙述的转变是有力量的，它挑战了作为一名读者的设想。
这篇文章的闪光点在于这不是一个简单的白手起家的故事。文章作者作为一个移民者身份的儿子，他没有被眼前的困难击败，而是设法去应对困难。他对语言的运用，以及他对自身阶级地位的哲学性反思，将这篇文章的立意从“我很贫穷” 提高到了 “我与众不同的经历成就了现在的我”。
但我母亲使用的吸尘器不属于我们。我们从未付过有线电视费。照片拍的不是我的家人。我一周只能见到一次自己清理的地毯，我从未穿过自己折叠的色彩柔和的衬衫。那栋房子不是我们的。我母亲只是清洁工，而我是她的帮手。
My mother and father had come as refugees almost twenty years ago from the country of Moldova. My mother worked numerous odd jobs, but once I was born she decided she needed to do something different. She put an ad in the paper advertising house cleaning, and a couple, both professors, answered. They became her first client, and their house became the bedrock of our sustenance. Economic recessions came and went, but my mother returned every Monday, Friday and occasional Sunday.
大约 20 年前，我的父母以难民的身份从摩尔多瓦来到美国。我母亲做过许多种兼职工作，但我一出生，她就认定自己需要做点不一样的事情。她在报纸上登了一份提供房屋保洁服务的广告，一对同为教授的夫妇联系了她。他们成了她的第一个客户，他们的房子成了我们维持生计的基石。经济衰退来了又去，但我母亲每逢周一和周五都要回到那里，有时周日也过去。
She spends her days in teal latex gloves, guiding a blue Hoover vacuum over what seems like miles of carpet. All the mirrors she’s cleaned could probably stack up to be a minor Philip Johnson skyscraper. This isn’t new for her. The vacuums and the gloves might be, but the work isn’t. In Moldova, her family grew gherkins and tomatoes. She spent countless hours kneeling in the dirt, growing her vegetables with the care that professors advise their protégés, with kindness and proactivity. Today, the fruits of her labor have been replaced with the suction of her vacuum.
她整日戴着天青色的乳胶手套，操着蓝色的胡佛 ( Hoover ) 吸尘器，给仿佛有几英里长的地毯除尘。她擦过的所有镜子没准可以堆叠成那种由菲利普 · 约翰逊 ( Philip Johnson ) 打造的亮闪闪的摩天大楼。这对她来说并不新鲜。吸尘器和手套或许有些新鲜，但这份工作并非如此。在摩尔多瓦，她家里种有黄瓜和西红柿。她曾花无数个小时跪在泥土里，以教授指导学生的用心程度、以仁慈和积极主动的态度侍弄她的蔬菜。现在，她劳作的蔬果被吸尘器取而代之。
The professors’ home was a telescope to how the other (more affluent) half lived. They were rarely ever home, so I saw their remnants: the lightly crinkled New York Times sprawled on the kitchen table, the overturned, half-opened books in their overflowing personal library, the TV consistently left on the National Geographic channel. I took these remnants as a celebrity-endorsed path to prosperity. I began to check out books from the school library and started reading the news religiously.
透过那两位教授的房子，可以一窥 ( 更富裕的 ) 另一半人的生活。他们很少待在家，于是我便观察他们留下的痕迹：摊在厨房桌子上稍稍发皱的《纽约时报》，满当当的私人图书馆中翻到一半倒扣过去的书，总是停留在国家地理频道的电视。我把这些痕迹当成由名人代言的通往繁荣之路。我开始从学校的图书馆往外借书，并经常阅读新闻。
Their home was a sanctuary for my dreams. It was there I, as a glasses-wearing computer nerd, read about a mythical place called Silicon Valley in Bloomberg Businessweek magazines. It was there, as a son of immigrants, that I read about a young senator named Barack Obama, the child of an immigrant, aspiring to be the president of the United States. The life that I saw through their home showed me that an immigrant could succeed in America, too. Work could be done with>.
他们的家是为我的梦想提供庇护之处。在那里，我这个戴着眼镜的电脑迷从《彭博商业周刊》 ( Bloomberg Businessweek ) 上知道了一个名叫硅谷的神秘地方。在那里，我这个移民的儿子读到了一个名叫贝拉克 · 奥巴马 ( Barack Obama ) 的年轻参议员立志做美国总统的消息——他也是移民之子。我从他们家看到过的生活告诉我，在美国，移民也可以成功。工作可以用双手来完成，也可以用头脑来完成。它让我对一种社会资本有了深刻的概念，我知道在美国可以使用这种资本。两位教授让我看到了他们取得成功的要素，我这一生都在试图做出自己的反应。
Ultimately, the suction of the vacuum is what sustains my family. The squeal of her vacuum reminds me why I have the opportunity to drive my squealing car to school. I am where I am today because my mom put an enormous amount of labor into the formula of the American Dream. It’s her blue Hoover vacuums that hold up the framework of my life. Someday, I hope my diploma can hold up the framework of hers.
最终，吸尘器的吸力养活了我们一家。她手中吸尘器的嗡嗡声提醒着我，我为什么有机会开着叮当乱响的小汽车去上学。我之所以能成为今天的我，是因为我的妈妈往美国梦的公式中倾注了太多劳动。她用蓝色胡佛吸尘器为我的生活撑起了一片天。有朝一日，我希望能用自己的毕业证书为她撑起一片天。
点评
不知道各位同学会不会和小E一样，当一开始读这篇文章的时候，小E脑海中就闪现了一些疑问。起初作者用了一段文字形象地描述自己的家，读着读着当你好像意识到他是在叙述这是母亲为了忙于生计而打扫别人的屋子时，你就会觉得这种叙述的转变是有力量的，它挑战了作为一名读者的设想。
这篇文章的闪光点在于这不是一个简单的白手起家的故事。文章作者作为一个移民者身份的儿子，他没有被眼前的困难击败，而是设法去应对困难。他对语言的运用，以及他对自身阶级地位的哲学性反思，将这篇文章的立意从“我很贫穷” 提高到了 “我与众不同的经历成就了现在的我”。
2
Slowly,my mother's gingham apron began to look more likemetal armor
《随着时间但推移，我母亲的格子围裙看起来像是金属铠甲》
《随着时间但推移，我母亲的格子围裙看起来像是金属铠甲》
作者：Caitlin McCormick
高中：The Gregory School
目标院校: Barnard College
高中：The Gregory School
目标院校: Barnard College
原文（中英对照）
When it comes toservice workers, as a society we completely disregard the manners instilled inus as toddlers. For seventeen years, I have awoken to those workers, toclinking silverware rolled in cloth and porcelain plates removed from the ovenin preparation for breakfast service. I memorized the geometry of place matsslid on metal trays, coffee cups turned downward, dirtied cloth napkins disposed on dining tables. I knew never to wear pajamas outside in the publiccourtyard, and years of shushing from my mother informed me not to speak loudlyin front of a guest room window. I grew up in the swaddled cacophony of morning chatter between tourists, professors, and videographers. I grew up conditioned in excessive politeness, fitted for making small talk with strangers.
每当面对服务业从业者，我们这个社会上的人会完全无视自己年幼时被灌输的礼仪。过去17年里，我一醒来就会注意到这样的服务人员，注意到准备供应早餐期间裹在餐布里的叮当作响的餐具，以及从烤箱中取出的瓷盘。我会记得餐具垫被放在金属托盘里的形状、咖啡杯被倒扣以及弄脏了的布餐巾被撂在餐桌上的样子。我知道永远不要穿着睡衣走到外边的公共庭院里；我母亲年复一年发出的嘘声让我明白，不能在客房的窗前高声说话。我成长于游客、教授和摄像师晨间压低声音闲聊的嘈杂声中。在长大成人的过程中，我习惯了那种适用于与陌生人寒暄的过度礼貌。
When it comes toservice workers, as a society we completely disregard the manners instilled inus as toddlers. For seventeen years, I have awoken to those workers, toclinking silverware rolled in cloth and porcelain plates removed from the ovenin preparation for breakfast service. I memorized the geometry of place matsslid on metal trays, coffee cups turned downward, dirtied cloth napkins disposed on dining tables. I knew never to wear pajamas outside in the publiccourtyard, and years of shushing from my mother informed me not to speak loudlyin front of a guest room window. I grew up in the swaddled cacophony of morning chatter between tourists, professors, and videographers. I grew up conditioned in excessive politeness, fitted for making small talk with strangers.
每当面对服务业从业者，我们这个社会上的人会完全无视自己年幼时被灌输的礼仪。过去17年里，我一醒来就会注意到这样的服务人员，注意到准备供应早餐期间裹在餐布里的叮当作响的餐具，以及从烤箱中取出的瓷盘。我会记得餐具垫被放在金属托盘里的形状、咖啡杯被倒扣以及弄脏了的布餐巾被撂在餐桌上的样子。我知道永远不要穿着睡衣走到外边的公共庭院里；我母亲年复一年发出的嘘声让我明白，不能在客房的窗前高声说话。我成长于游客、教授和摄像师晨间压低声音闲聊的嘈杂声中。在长大成人的过程中，我习惯了那种适用于与陌生人寒暄的过度礼貌。
I grew up inabed and breakfast,in the sticky thickness of the hospitality industry. And for a very long time Ihated it. I was late to my own fifth birthday party in the park because a guestarrived five hours late without apology. Following a weeklong stay in whichsomeone specially requested her room be cleaned twice a day, not once did sheleave a tip for housekeeping. Small-business scammers came for a stop at theinn several times. Guests stained sheets, clogged toilets, locked themselvesout of their rooms, and then demanded a discount.
我是在一个提供住宿和早餐的客栈里，在有着厚重的酒店业氛围的环境里长大的。有很长一段时间我对此颇为憎恶。我曾经没能准时去公园参加自己的五岁生日派对，只因为一位客人迟到了五个小时，而且连声道歉都欠奉。某个人住店一周，专门要求其房间每天打扫两次，却没有留过一次整理房间的小费。诈骗小企业的人光顾过几回。客人把床单弄脏，把厕所弄堵，把自己锁在房间外，然后要求打折。
There exists between service workers and their customers an inherent imbalance of power: Wemeet sneers with apologies. At the end of their meal, or stay, or drink, we letpatrons determine how much effort their server put into their job. For most ofmy life I believed my parents were intense masochists for devoting their existences to the least thankful business I know: the very business that taughtme how to discern imbalances of power. Soon I recognized this stem of injusticein all sorts of everyday interactions. I came to understand how latent racism,sexism, classism and ableism structure our society — how tipping was only asynonym for “microaggression.”
服务业从业者和客人之间存在天然的权力失衡：我们用道歉应对冷嘲热讽。我们让顾客在他们吃喝住宿之后自行决定，服务人员在提供服务上有多用心。在生命的大部分时间里，我都觉得我父母是极端的受虐狂，他们把自己的一生献给了我所知的最不讨好的生意：也是教会我如何辨别权力失衡的生意。很快，我就在各种日常交往中注意到这种不公平。我开始明白，潜在的种族主义、性别歧视、阶级歧视和残障歧视如何充斥我们的社会——给小费如何只是“微歧视”的一个同义词。
I becamepassionate. Sometimes enraged. I stumbled upon nonprofits, foundations, andpolitical campaigns. I canvassed for Senate candidates, phone-banked forgrass-roots action groups, served as a board member for the Women’s Foundationof Southern Arizona, reviewed grant applications for nonprofits and organizedevents for the nearby children’s hospital. I devoted my time to the raw grit ofhelping people, and in the process I fell irrevocably in love with a new typeof service: public service. At the same time, I worked midnight Black Fridayretail shifts and scraped vomit off linoleum. When I brought home my first W-2,I had never seen my parents so proud.
我变得狂热起来。有时还很愤怒。因为偶然的机缘，我加入了非营利组织、基金会和政治运动。我给参议员候选人拉票，给草根行动团体接听电话，担任南亚利桑那州女性基金会(Women’s Foundation of Southern Arizona)的董事会成员，审核非营利组织的经费申请，还为附近的儿童医院组织活动。我把自己的时间投入到帮助别人的历练之中，在这个过程中，我义无反顾地爱上了一种新型的服务：公共服务。与此同时，我也做着黑色星期五的夜班零售工作，清理油毡毯上的呕吐物。当我把自己的第一份工资单拿回家时，从没见父母那么自豪过。
我是在一个提供住宿和早餐的客栈里，在有着厚重的酒店业氛围的环境里长大的。有很长一段时间我对此颇为憎恶。我曾经没能准时去公园参加自己的五岁生日派对，只因为一位客人迟到了五个小时，而且连声道歉都欠奉。某个人住店一周，专门要求其房间每天打扫两次，却没有留过一次整理房间的小费。诈骗小企业的人光顾过几回。客人把床单弄脏，把厕所弄堵，把自己锁在房间外，然后要求打折。
There exists between service workers and their customers an inherent imbalance of power: Wemeet sneers with apologies. At the end of their meal, or stay, or drink, we letpatrons determine how much effort their server put into their job. For most ofmy life I believed my parents were intense masochists for devoting their existences to the least thankful business I know: the very business that taughtme how to discern imbalances of power. Soon I recognized this stem of injusticein all sorts of everyday interactions. I came to understand how latent racism,sexism, classism and ableism structure our society — how tipping was only asynonym for “microaggression.”
服务业从业者和客人之间存在天然的权力失衡：我们用道歉应对冷嘲热讽。我们让顾客在他们吃喝住宿之后自行决定，服务人员在提供服务上有多用心。在生命的大部分时间里，我都觉得我父母是极端的受虐狂，他们把自己的一生献给了我所知的最不讨好的生意：也是教会我如何辨别权力失衡的生意。很快，我就在各种日常交往中注意到这种不公平。我开始明白，潜在的种族主义、性别歧视、阶级歧视和残障歧视如何充斥我们的社会——给小费如何只是“微歧视”的一个同义词。
I becamepassionate. Sometimes enraged. I stumbled upon nonprofits, foundations, andpolitical campaigns. I canvassed for Senate candidates, phone-banked forgrass-roots action groups, served as a board member for the Women’s Foundationof Southern Arizona, reviewed grant applications for nonprofits and organizedevents for the nearby children’s hospital. I devoted my time to the raw grit ofhelping people, and in the process I fell irrevocably in love with a new typeof service: public service. At the same time, I worked midnight Black Fridayretail shifts and scraped vomit off linoleum. When I brought home my first W-2,I had never seen my parents so proud.
我变得狂热起来。有时还很愤怒。因为偶然的机缘，我加入了非营利组织、基金会和政治运动。我给参议员候选人拉票，给草根行动团体接听电话，担任南亚利桑那州女性基金会(Women’s Foundation of Southern Arizona)的董事会成员，审核非营利组织的经费申请，还为附近的儿童医院组织活动。我把自己的时间投入到帮助别人的历练之中，在这个过程中，我义无反顾地爱上了一种新型的服务：公共服务。与此同时，我也做着黑色星期五的夜班零售工作，清理油毡毯上的呕吐物。当我把自己的第一份工资单拿回家时，从没见父母那么自豪过。
The truth, Irecently learned, was that not all service is created equal. Seeing guestsscream at my parents over a late airport taxi still sickens me even as I spendhours a week as a volunteer. But I was taught all work is noble, especially thework we do for others. Slowly, my mother’s gingham apron began to look more likemetal armor. I learned how to worship my parents’ gift for attentive listening,easily hearing the things guests were incapable of asking for — not sugar withtheir tea, but somebody to talk with while they waited for a conference call. Ienvied their ability to wear the role of self-assured host like a second skin,capable of tolerating any type of cruelty with a smile. Most of all, I admiredmy parents’ continuous trust in humanity to not abuse their help. I realizedthat learning to serve people looks a lot like learning to trust them.
我最近发现的事实是，并非所有的服务都是天生平等的。看到客人因为接机出租车迟到而对我的父母大叫大嚷，仍然让我感到厌恶，尽管我每周也会花数小时时间做志愿者。但我从中学到的是，所有的工作都是高贵的，尤其是我们为他人做的工作。慢慢地，我母亲的格子布围裙看起来也更像金属盔甲了。我知道了如何欣赏父母细心倾听的天赋，他们很容易就能明白客人没有准确提出的要求——不是给他们的茶里加糖，而是在他们等待一个电话会议时能有人跟他们聊天。我羡慕他们能那么自然地扮演胸有成竹的东道主角色，能带着微笑忍受各种恶言。最重要的是，我钦佩父母一直相信人性，相信人们不会对不起他们提供的帮助。我意识到，学习给人们提供服务和学会相信他们极其相似。
点评
开篇作者不谈服务工作的正面，相反大谈现实中服务工作的糟糕情况，引人好奇，别处心裁。中间作者结合自己的成长经历，说出了为什么开篇就提出的对服务工作的厌烦。就像 娓娓道来的一个故事一样，让人哭笑不得。随后作者写出自己的转变，对服务工作的热爱与付出，列出自己的实践活动打动主考官。结尾很水到渠成，作者已发生转变，对公共服务的理解也更加深刻，也能让人相信他是真正热爱这一行业。
但其实让小E倍感疑惑但是：她过于强调她的母亲在从业经历中所遇到的负面经历，虽然，这应该是一个她为了凸显她后来提出的不平等问题而精心埋伏的亮点。但说实话，小E觉得描写母亲和客人之间的故事的篇幅过于冗长。所以小E但建议是，同学们不要过多地提及自己的父母的故事，因为那样的文章也许会变成一个关于父母的故事，而不是一个关于自己的故事。
优秀的范文是数不尽的，
而一个人真实的经历却是无法复制的，
相信自己，用自己最真实的故事去解读梦想，
相信你也可以敲开那扇梦想的门。
我最近发现的事实是，并非所有的服务都是天生平等的。看到客人因为接机出租车迟到而对我的父母大叫大嚷，仍然让我感到厌恶，尽管我每周也会花数小时时间做志愿者。但我从中学到的是，所有的工作都是高贵的，尤其是我们为他人做的工作。慢慢地，我母亲的格子布围裙看起来也更像金属盔甲了。我知道了如何欣赏父母细心倾听的天赋，他们很容易就能明白客人没有准确提出的要求——不是给他们的茶里加糖，而是在他们等待一个电话会议时能有人跟他们聊天。我羡慕他们能那么自然地扮演胸有成竹的东道主角色，能带着微笑忍受各种恶言。最重要的是，我钦佩父母一直相信人性，相信人们不会对不起他们提供的帮助。我意识到，学习给人们提供服务和学会相信他们极其相似。
点评
开篇作者不谈服务工作的正面，相反大谈现实中服务工作的糟糕情况，引人好奇，别处心裁。中间作者结合自己的成长经历，说出了为什么开篇就提出的对服务工作的厌烦。就像 娓娓道来的一个故事一样，让人哭笑不得。随后作者写出自己的转变，对服务工作的热爱与付出，列出自己的实践活动打动主考官。结尾很水到渠成，作者已发生转变，对公共服务的理解也更加深刻，也能让人相信他是真正热爱这一行业。
但其实让小E倍感疑惑但是：她过于强调她的母亲在从业经历中所遇到的负面经历，虽然，这应该是一个她为了凸显她后来提出的不平等问题而精心埋伏的亮点。但说实话，小E觉得描写母亲和客人之间的故事的篇幅过于冗长。所以小E但建议是，同学们不要过多地提及自己的父母的故事，因为那样的文章也许会变成一个关于父母的故事，而不是一个关于自己的故事。
优秀的范文是数不尽的，
而一个人真实的经历却是无法复制的，
相信自己，用自己最真实的故事去解读梦想，
相信你也可以敲开那扇梦想的门。
作者：admin
推荐内容 Recommended
- 合作人力咨询，部署充沛巅峰精英08-22
- 英国各地区授课安排情况及学生入05-15
- 21年英国名校TOP30雅思最低成绩要求05-07
- 值得收藏!托福口语 2020年考情分析03-09
- 2022美国早申现已开启，Are You Read02-25
- 美国抗疫达里程碑：赴美留学曙光02-22
相关内容 Related
- 美傲弗圆满举办美国名校高中招生08-22
- 经验分享 | 敲开世界名校大门的过08-22
- 名校大学招生官在找什么样的学生08-22
- 合作人力咨询，部署充沛巅峰精英08-22
- 2018年美国高中留学超强攻略。08-22
- 分析15000篇文书后，我们发现美国精08-22
